channel surfing
07/19/24 12:22am
Reminiscing over rough hands and calloused grips, ever so slightly just too tight to bear. What the fuck is wrong with your head? Get over those cheap thrills with uneven edges, you can't trick yourself into liking this much longer before it starts to hurt all over again. Don't forget how he made you feel. Cloudy skies conceal a dark truth that you couldn't possibly handle no matter the forethought. Watching television past 7 P.M., the local forecast and everything in between. You can't possibly say no, how could you? It hasn't affected you one bit, and yet you pray every night that something will change when you wake up. Hoping for a better future that just wasn't meant to be. Fucking terrible joke. Fucking rancid. You know you needed it, no matter how undeserved it felt. It will just get worse with time. Pain only comes to those who want it, no matter how much you might convince yourself otherwise. Why does it make you feel like that, you faggot. Pull yourself together, it's only a bruise. Catalog your thoughts obsessively, in hopes of finding that one thing--anything that will help you move on. Please, don't be ridiculous. You and I both know you aren't capable of change. Stop crying like a little girl, before I regret letting you off so easily. It's too hard to stop once you get going. Sprawling fantasies of a life once lived; pathetic daydreams amounting to nothing short of neurosis. Replacement hardly helps. Simply too far gone to even care. Distort your emotions and maybe if you act embarrassed enough something will eventually stick.
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